1. If you can hold it, do.
2. If not, wait until you really have to go, as to accumulate more liquid so you don't have to go again.
3. As you walk down the aisle, don't be afraid to grab onto the back of chairs, perhaps disturbing fellow passengers, in order to not be shaken off your feet by the erratic driving of the bus driver.
4. Once you reach the door, take a few deep breaths. This is the last chance for non-foul air for the next few nimutes.
5. Before you go in, take a deep breath and hold it for as long as possible when you're inside.
6. Once you're in, brace your back to the closest wall, bend down and roll up your pants to your knees. The floors are usually wet.
7. This will probably be a feat that will make you want to breathe. Bring an item of clothing, like a sleeve, up to your nose and breathe through the cloth. You might gag. Be thankful you have your sleeve. Repeat breathing technique as necessary.
8. Turn around, using the wall or handles for support, as you WILL sway with the movement of the bus.
9. Undo pants and assume squating position whilst holding onto the handles/walls with one hand. Best to keep a wide stride as to not let your pants drop onto the wet floor.
10. Do your business, trying to aim the best you can into the bowl.
11. If you didn't bring your own toilet paper, you will have to drip dry.
12. If you brought TP, try to rummage for it. Best to have taken it out and placed it in between your cleavage. Remember to hold on at all times.
13. Once finished, turn around, put your back to the wall and do up your pants.
14. There is no flushing mechanism. Toilet paper goes into a bin which you will have to pry open.
15. If you're lucky, there will be a faucet with water. Who knows how long its been stored on the bus though... I would opt to not wash and use my alcoholic sanitary gel when I return to my seat.
16. Roll pants back down. You may opt to do this after you leave the bathroom so you can breathe easily.
17. Leave bathroom. Take a few deep breaths as not breathing may have made you a bit dizzy.
18. Make your way back to yor seat without bumping into too many people.
3 comments:
Well I´m looking forward to reading this one:-)
What I´m actually writing about is whether you've used that Earl Grey teabag I gave you? If so, where? Will its story ever be told?
If you haven't drunk it, I'm quite jealous, because Carrefour, the useless useless bastards, are out of Earl Grey again so I've got to drink some lesser variety of tea.
Alex
Hey Alex,
Yes, indeed, I did have the Earl Grey after Machu Picchu in Cusco. It was the most incredible thing. The city was cold and I was having a tough time with the altitude, so that tea did me wonders. I kept on adding hot water until there was absolutely no taste left!
Thank you sooo much and sorry to hear you can't get more soon.
Cheers!
Another trick, if you're wearing a loose T-shirt, is to pull up the collar over your nose, keeping your chin down, so the shirt filters out part of the stench while leaving your hands free for bracing yourself.
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